Getting Blamed for someone else’s crap (literally)

23 Jun

This post has absolutely nothing to do with this pictures.. I found it and it made me laugh, I love Epic Fail pictures. I have this sickness where I laugh uncontrollably at inappropriate or  stupid things… also when something sad happens and I don’t know how to react I smile. I know I’m a freak.

I went to write a blog post first thing this morning and I was completely uninspired.  Nothing sounded appealing to write about that wouldn’t come across as mopey or whiney, yes it’s day #2 of this funk I’m in. So I sat here without any inspiration or creative juice on what to write about.

Until I went to the Bathroom.

Let me back track a little. I work in an office where there is only ONE single stall bathroom for all the woman in the office. 8 out of 10 times you get up to attempt to use the bathroom someone is in it. It’s incredibly frustrating but hey it is what it is…

Now on to the topic at hand, you know what I hate? Walking into the bathroom and it smelling like someone just took a giant dump. All you have to do is just go pee, and afterwards you wash your hands quickly while gagging at the smell. Then you walk out of the bathroom that STILL smells like shit and there is someone waiting outside waiting to use the bathroom. And guess who they think made that retched smell??? YOU! The innocent person that was just trying to go pee.

This exact thing happened to me this morning. It’s one of my biggest fears when I go into that bathroom at work and it already smells like someone crapped road kill and that someone would be waiting outside and blame me. I usually run out of that bathroom and back to my office quickly hoping and praying no one saw me exit. I imagine the person that did the crime smirking at their desk while I’m sweating bullets wondering if anyone saw me come out of there.

Anyone else feel the same way? Similar experiences? Or am I just neurotic?

-Midgey

Where I stood

22 Jun

My musical taste changes often depending on where I am in my life and what kind of mood I am in at the time. It will range from Corky Pop music when I’m feeling skinny and happy… to Alternative/Rock if I’m feeling knowledgeable and empowered… to Christian Worship music when I’m in need of spirituality or just wanting to sing at the top of my lungs.. And then there is when I love my Indie Soulful music when I’m feeling the blues and in need of some direction or inspiration.

I have this game I like to play sometimes in the car. I’ll plug my ipod in and set it to shuffle and hit play, the first song that comes on will be MY song for the day. Now this game doesn’t always work out the way I always want it too. There will be days I play this and I’m calm and feeling relaxed and ready for some inspiration and I end up with Lil John screaming YAYYYYYYYYY! loudly in my ears.

And then there are times where the song hits me straight in the heart and I get goosebumps because it’s EXACTLY how I feel at that moment. That happend to me this morning. Missy Higgins “Where I stood” came on as I was driving to work and I broke down into tears 45 seconds into the song.  Call me dramatic if you’d like, music is a passion of mine and it feeds my soul. Hearing the lyrics

“I don’t know what I’ve done
Or if I like what I’ve begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it’s all or none”

The song is about her putting her ex love behind her and realizing that even though they are no good for eachother and that this new woman in his life is better for him… she just doesn’t want to let go. She says “‘Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
‘Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

Such a powerful statement “She who dares to stand where I stood”. It gets me right in the chest every time. This song for me doesn’t represent a lost love like it does for her.. I have the love of my life and I thank God everyday he’s my husband. This song for me is about my constant struggle of wanting all or nothing right this very second. Jealous Midgey is on my left shoulder poking me with her little stick in full force today. On a day that I should be feeling happy and excited for a dear friend I find myself feeling horribly jealous and aching for the same thing to happen to me.

This yearning in my heart and soul to be a Mother consumes me sometimes. To the point where I feel like it will never happen to me because I want it so badly. My Husband says I need to “let go, and that I’m stressing to much about it. It’s not happening because I’m thinking about it to much.” Of course this theory is possibly very true, but then I think about all the other woman that Chart, and obsess about getting pregnant and they get pregnant no problem. So why not me? It’s been 1 year and 1 month now, I know there are so many woman out there that have been trying longer than me and my heart hurts for them. Why can’t these women that want to be  Mothers more than anything else in the world can’t?

I know God has a plan for me and I know that I need to stop allowing myself to dwell on the things I cannot have at the moment.

John 3:30 “He must become greater; I must become less.”

My focus just needs to be more on him, because he is my creator and my savior. I know that he wont lead me wrong, whether all this is a test to what is to come I’m not sure.. I will just keeping praying that we will be blessed with a beautiful miracle baby. Someday I will see that positive on a pregnancy test, I will keep telling myself that.

My pitty party is over for the day.

McFatty Monday – Just call me Jaba

21 Jun

I’m just going to come right out and say it. I completely blew my diet the past 5 days. And I’m not just talking about a few extra chips, I’m talking about consuming more calories than I normally do in an entire day in just one MEAL! Ugh.. let’s see where do I start?

Well there was the bag of Cheeseburger Dortios, 2 Cheese burgers, 2 orders of french fries, chicken nuggets, bbq chicken pizza, brownies, a hot dog, potato salad, 3 beers, 1 glass of wine and some more bbq chicken pizza. All in a 5 day period that I would like to declare as “GorgeFest 2010.” WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?

Needless to say I stepped on the scale this morning out of pure need to self inflict myself with pain. I told myself “154″ which is 4lbs above where I was last week and figured that gave me plenty of room to be below that and feel better about my food choices. WRONG. 155.2, I winced when I read that number at 6 am. Despite my 900 calorie burn on a hike on Saturday I still managed to gain 5.2. Just call me Jaba the Hut from now on.

I’m putting a stop to this now though, I can’t keep up this downward spiral any longer. I need to be eating healthy and stop eating this crap. I’ve lost the weight before I can do it again. I’m starting a new exercise routine today and ready to get focused and I’m committed to doing this right!

Dammit I want a grilled cheese sandwich right now.

Cheeseburger Dortios – A Tale of Lost then Found Love

18 Jun

If you knew me in real life you would know that I eat very healthy most of time. 9 out of 10 times I will turn down cake at a party, I count my calories and get my work outs in.

HOWEVER, there are a few particular food items that I just cannot say no to.  Sushi is #1, I can NEVER turn down Sushi.  #2 is a Giant Salted Soft Pretzel with Nacho cheese to dip with. Those are my 2 favorite foods of all time.

About a month ago the morning radio show I listen to ever day started talking about these new “Late Night Cheeseburger Doritos” and I knew just then and there I HAD to try these. I told my Husband and he found me my first bag of these chips. I was instantly in love.

Inhaling would not even begin to describe how quickly I went through that first bag of Doritos. I couldn’t get enough, they tasted JUST like a McDonald’s Cheeseburger. Now all this coming from a former Vegetarian was quiet shocking to my family and friends and I raved about my new-found love. I found one more bag about a week later, went through that and then the unthinkable happened… I COULDN’T FIND THEM ANYWHERE!!!!

I went to every store I could think of, 7-11, CVS, Walgreens, Target, the grocery store… NO WHERE!! 2 weeks went by and it was like a drug withdrawal (not that I would no what that is like, drugs are bad kids stay away). My mouth would salivate at the thought of them.

Yesterday a miracle happened. I stopped at Target to pick up toilet paper and paper towels and decided I would just double-check that they didn’t have my beloved chips. I quickly rush my cart across the store, turn quickly into the aisle without even checking to see if I was going to run into anyone and begin to scan the rows with wide eyes, panic across my face… And there they were in all their glory.  I squealed out load and let out a Napoleon Dynamite “YES!” And It was like the heavens opened up from above and these beautiful bags of chips were sparkling like Hot Teen Vampires.

I bought 3 bags, yes 3 big bags. 1 bag for my best friend who I promised once I found these chips again I would buy a bag for her so she could experience the awesomeness of said chips. And 2 for me.

I called my Hub to share the joyful news. You’d think I won the lottery or something.

It was a glorious day, and yes I ate WAY to many of them last night. Probably about 1/2 the bag. Good thing I’m going on a hike tomorrow, I’m going to need to burn off these extra calories. It was totally worth it though.

Midgey

UP: It’s the time in between that really matters.

16 Jun

It’s been awhile since a movie completely catches me off guard.  In fact the last movie that did this to me was Marley and Me. I rented that movie right after we adopted our puppy last year and was thinking we were going to be watching a cute upbeat movie on life with a new dog. Boy was I wrong, I wont spoil it for you if you haven’t seen it but I was crying like I was 4 again watching Bambi.

Pretty much the same thing happened to me with UP the other night. Husband and I decided to watch this on our instant view on Netflix monday night because it looked like a cute funny movie, a good way to start the week. 15 minutes into the movie I was already crying. (NOTE if you haven’t seen this movie and don’t want SPOILERS stop at this point). The basis of the movie is a young boy meats his true love at a young age and they make a promise to go on this wild adventure when they are older and live on top of “Paradise Point” in South America someday. The girl Ellie had a book that said “My Adventure” where she had plans to go to this place with their house and what they would do and left several blank pages that said “What I will do on my adventure”….. Fast forward years later they get married and buy the old abandoned house that they met in, fix it up how they wanted it and started their life together. They try to have a baby and she miscarried after they finish the nursery. This was the point I started crying like a little girl. It was just so said, to see them both so crushed and defeated. Then you see them go through the rest of their lives until they are old always putting money in a jar to save up for their big adventure. Life events happen though, car repairs, house repairs, medical repairs and you keep seeing the jar being emptied which of course leads to them not going on their adventure. Then his beloved wife passes away at old age leaving the man feeling like he let her down because she never got to live out her dream adventure.

I wont keep going in great detail but basically this guys house is right in the middle of a modern-day city and they are trying to convince him to give up his house so they can tear it down and build a new development. He wont give up his house though because he thinks it’s all he has left of his wife and the life they had together. He then comes up with this plan where he attached thousands of balloons to his house and flies off into the air and heads to South America to live out his wife’s dream. Little did he know but a pesky boy scout type kid was under his house when he took off and despite what the man wants he has to let the kid in since they are floating in the air way above the ground. The whole movie from their on out is this giant adventure they have getting the house to Paradise Falls and all the mishaps along the way. His house is threatened several times and he risks his life and others to save his house more than once.  Towards the end of the movie he FINALLY gets the house to paradise falls, gets in the house, fixes the furniture and items where they belonged, sits down in his chair and opens Ellie’s book.. He opens it and gets very sad because again he feels like he’s failed her because she never lived out her big adventure dream she always wanted.  He flips to the page “What I will do on my adventure” and realizes that she filled out pages after that he didn’t know before… Pictures of their wedding, their house, picnic’s and special events together… Proving that she did live out her life how she wanted and that her life adventure was spending it with him enjoying their life together.  Of course I lost again her because he didn’t say anything, the music and the visual of what he was discovering was enough for me. It was so simple and beautiful.

Shortly after that he looses his house and I’ll save the end for you to watch but the boy says to him “I’m sorry you lost your house” and he says “It was just a house”.

This movie had such a special message to me and really touched my heart. Life is short and precious, we can’t take our belongs with us when we die. From the time we are kids to the time we are old is really just a blink of an eye compared to eternity in heaven. Spending this short time on earth with the ones we truly love is a blessing and even if life doesn’t work out how you wanted it too, that’s ok. Life is what happens when we’re busy making plans.

Watching this movie was great timing considering I was feeling pretty down about having issues getting pregnant. I may not be a mother right now, but I have an amazing Husband. He’s my best friend, the love of my life and I know that no matter what happens, the time I’ve had with him is the most precious gift God has ever given me.

Midgey

Is this Real Life? Ok NOW?

15 Jun

Do you ever have one of those days that no matter how hard you try to focus, your brain says “NO WAY”?

Well that would be me today. I’ve done everything but work today. In fact I read all 178 pages of Stephanie Myers short book “The Second Short Life of Bree Tanner” before lunch. Which by the way was very good and a quick easy read. It’s free to read online and I recommend checking it out: http://ld-breetannerbook.libredigital.com/index.html

My mind is everywhere today. With Father’s Day approaching this weekend I can’t help but wonder, will this be the last Father’s Day that my husband will NOT be a father? We are really hoping to have some success this month now that we are officially 1 year and 1 month of trying to have a baby. Each month it seems like someone else is knocked up from just looking at each other and we are left here swimming in Ovulation predictor tests, cycle charting and doctors appointments.

Sigh… there I go edging on the brink of cynicism. Knock that off Midgey.

Anyone else out there had or having trouble trying to have a baby? If your out there I’d love to talk, sometimes I feel so alone in that department.  I do have faith in God that he will bless us with a child when the time is right, but can the “time is right” be right now? Is that to hard to ask?

Day 2 of weight watchers online has been going well. I’m looking forward to my first official McFatty Monday weight in next week. 4 lbs is the goal.. Will I be able to do it? I sure as hell hope so.

Midgey

Tales of the Scale

14 Jun

Oh Scale how I loath you. I step on you after a weekend of bbq chicken pizza, spinach artichoke chicken pizza, chips, pretzels filled with peanut butter, ice cream, and the list goes on and on. I really self sabotaged this time.

Now up 13 pounds from my original goal weight I am feeling pretty shitty these days in my clothes. I have a friend coming into town in 2 weeks and I really want to look my best. I re signed up for weight watchers online today. I had a lot of success with that program a few years ago and hope this will help me get control of this downward spiral I’ve been experiencing the last few months.

I have decided in order to keep myself accountable I will be letting you all know how I am doing each Monday and weighing in. My goal is to be down a 6 pounds by the 25th. I know that seems crazy since that is 12 days away, but I know I can do it.  A blog that I love to read Heir to Blair does a “McFatty Monday” post every week on her journey with weight loss. I always love reading her posts about it because she is incredibly honest and I appreciate that. So I will be following suite and doing the same. I wont be posting pictures of myself though since I am not revealing my true identity with this blog but I will be telling you my weight and what I’m doing. Wow I just released how incredibly lame I just sounded by saying “true identity” what am I superman? Sorry about that.

Starting Weight: 153

Weight Loss Goal: 140

Total weight to loose: 13

Nutrition Plan: Weight Watchers Online

Exercise: 6 days a week of low impact exercise (dr.’s orders), I will be using a combination of my Leslie Sansone, Slim in 6, and Body Gospel Dvd’s.

Ready, Set go! My McFatty Monday has begun!

- Midgey

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